=)[Aug. 22, 2004]
ME… for the week…
I find it difficult posting my journal everyday so blog please bear with me…
AY PukE!
We had a different approach for this years external show though it’s the same piece the “Vagina Monologues”. We were pushed to try new angles with our roles and I had. With this production I need not to be very tired in setting-up the lights, stage and also minding my acting which I do then, now I just guided the probationary members to do the stuffs and justify my character more. Hehe I felt that I am a professional actor… Its because of the kissing scene! Hehe I found it uncomfortable the thought of it because Arjay is my sister in TEATRO, but when we agreed that in order for us to be effective is to do it, we will do it. And we did! Wala lang! Hehe I felt desperate after our first show which didn’t went fine, it just felt bad but for the following shows it[the bad feeling] got lesser until our last show I knew it’s the most beautiful kissing scene for the AY PukE saga hehe! My mama, papa and kuya watched and they were surprised hehe especially my mama seeing her son kissing and wearing only a boxer shorts in front of many people … hehe
Junk Art!
I thought I will miss myself again last week but I didn’t. Because I know I’m a little bit with myself last week hehe. I was with my Fiona because we joined the junk art contest in CLA with Charmagne and with out the feeling of exhaustion after the Thursday show I first went to change and get stuffs for the junk art and went to Fiona’s dorm .Fiona and I worked with some parts of “buknoy”, we named it because it looked like a small faceless robot, until 3:30am, we looked for added materials which her friend Wilson managed to give[buti na nga lang umuwi narin sya hehe kala ko kasi…] and from Kuku[I think I spelled it wrong] that I woke up. We gathered all our materials and along with the rehearsal construction of “buknoy” because everything must be done in the contest proper but we have to know how to put him together. I enjoyed being with her! Honestly I even liked her more because at some point we share the avenue of artistry which I really love…I feel I already love her… but… I really don’t expect reciprocation… basta alam ko mahal ko na sya matagal na…] We slept at around 400am and honestly nothing happened ok! We woke at 630 am with the sun rays beaming straight towards us… we didn’t stand at once I don’t know, because I enjoyed the soft sun in my face it just felt good being with her. And when I turned the volume of the radio to audible the song was “Sun shine to my window that’s what
You are…”it made my morning really, really happy!
Charmagne, Fiona and I went on to the contest proper, did our best, sacrificed our 3 hour Religious Education subject and enjoyed the creating “buknoy”. I thought I was prepared that in entering into a competition there are two results it either winning or losing… we lost. But when I reflected that took me quite long I realized I already won something for my self… its being able to join and express a collaborative art piece with others and being with my Fiona…
=)[Aug. 4, 2004] I had headache late in the afternoon and its not helpful... We have a rehearsal for "Ay Puke!" and i just slept. But it didnt cure the pain it worsen it... but when i had this conversation with Joey i staticly forgot the pain. Its about relationships... knowing the both of us relationship topics is our least priority but in this time it is one of our major concern. Honestly i dont want to loose track of my self just because of TEATRO and my course... and at that time we have the same grief... tao lang kami pretending or should i say trying to be as directed to our goal as possible... but now that "love" is whisphering to us it seems like letting it have its chance to ourselves breaks us into pieces we solely kept not to disturb. I know i acknowledge these thoughts, i've even took action with it which unfortunately lasted for three months... i admit we are not in perfect terms now... Now with my case and Joey's we want to open ourselve to those significant individuals we feel and we think its our time to be us. [reality again] our conversation was cut because the proby's workshop is through...
I did not went home together with the others... i feel like [its the Rain that made like this!!!!!] getting myself wet to wash away my anxiety with her(not joey). I left my things in the locker and with just my wallet i walked normal in the pouring rain... i had a little chat with Jomi another TEATRO member before he went home... I just felt getting wet... though the flickering pain in my head slowly becoming evident for me to feel then i saw Natz and other probys of Points chatting... i didnt bother to join them, i just sat there thinking that i've been thinking about her for almost three weeks i suppose. I even dreamt of her three times which i never experienced before, not any sensual dreams but vague dreams about her... first was i was with my highschool tropa and i saw her laughing and chatting with them, second was she was asking me "am i certain?" which i didnt know what was the previouse line before she aked that, then third i was with her with some clssmates in an outing... I think im starting to shy away from her as my feelings and my thoughts for her grows more apparent... I even saw my self with her getting old but still laughing at conversations, smiling... I want ot talk to her but word suddenly scrambles whenever i approach her leaving me to say, "musta kana", "magandang umaga"... and "ingat ka..." I know sooner or later she might read or scan this... im honest with these but confused because i know... i need her... [Torpe nga sigura ako...]
