=)[Aug. 4, 2004] I had headache late in the afternoon and its not helpful... We have a rehearsal for "Ay Puke!" and i just slept. But it didnt cure the pain it worsen it... but when i had this conversation with Joey i staticly forgot the pain. Its about relationships... knowing the both of us relationship topics is our least priority but in this time it is one of our major concern. Honestly i dont want to loose track of my self just because of TEATRO and my course... and at that time we have the same grief... tao lang kami pretending or should i say trying to be as directed to our goal as possible... but now that "love" is whisphering to us it seems like letting it have its chance to ourselves breaks us into pieces we solely kept not to disturb. I know i acknowledge these thoughts, i've even took action with it which unfortunately lasted for three months... i admit we are not in perfect terms now... Now with my case and Joey's we want to open ourselve to those significant individuals we feel and we think its our time to be us. [reality again] our conversation was cut because the proby's workshop is through...
I did not went home together with the others... i feel like [its the Rain that made like this!!!!!] getting myself wet to wash away my anxiety with her(not joey). I left my things in the locker and with just my wallet i walked normal in the pouring rain... i had a little chat with Jomi another TEATRO member before he went home... I just felt getting wet... though the flickering pain in my head slowly becoming evident for me to feel then i saw Natz and other probys of Points chatting... i didnt bother to join them, i just sat there thinking that i've been thinking about her for almost three weeks i suppose. I even dreamt of her three times which i never experienced before, not any sensual dreams but vague dreams about her... first was i was with my highschool tropa and i saw her laughing and chatting with them, second was she was asking me "am i certain?" which i didnt know what was the previouse line before she aked that, then third i was with her with some clssmates in an outing... I think im starting to shy away from her as my feelings and my thoughts for her grows more apparent... I even saw my self with her getting old but still laughing at conversations, smiling... I want ot talk to her but word suddenly scrambles whenever i approach her leaving me to say, "musta kana", "magandang umaga"... and "ingat ka..." I know sooner or later she might read or scan this... im honest with these but confused because i know... i need her... [Torpe nga sigura ako...]
